I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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