Well douche your snatch and let's go!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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