Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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