What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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