Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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