Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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