i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
