I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize