Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i will never coherently bang her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
