they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
