she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
