You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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