Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
