he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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