google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
