Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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