She's JV to your varsity
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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