Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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