I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
