I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
