It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
soo... how was my night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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