am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
