if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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