i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
