I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
