I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
