It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
