You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
