I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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