Please, let me fuck your mom
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
