So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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