Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
