Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
