woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
