Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
