it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
