Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
