I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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