please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
