He asked to "fluff my boner.."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
