you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
