NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
