i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
