If i come over, it means nothing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
