you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
