help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
