fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
