and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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