Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
