I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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