I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
