his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
