i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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