she looked like the before picture.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
