In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
