so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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