I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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