...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
