i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
