someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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