your room smells of hookers.
And success
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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