Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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