Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
