you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
